The jokes
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
Memes
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Why was the stadium so hot?
Because all the fans left!
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.