The jokes
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.