The jokes

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

What's the best part about a dead prostitute?

The second hour is free.

What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?

A bullet.

Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.

Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.