The jokes

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?

A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.

My favorite toast for parties:

May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.

My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.

Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well, he’s all right now!