The jokes
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
Memes
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
Why did the Mexican get put on anxiety meds?
Because of Hispanic attacks.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.