The jokes
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!