The jokes
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
Why did 1 break the door open? Because 2, 3, 4.
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
Tumblr people: "There are an infinite amount of genders."
The cannibal kid: "Bitch, please. There's just one gender: Food."
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"