The jokes

Wife

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

Song

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

Imposter

When the imposter is sus! Ahahaha ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! Dididing! Dun dun! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! Ding ding ding didididing!

Farmer

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

Mama

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

Number

Random guy: Hi, how old are you?

Me: 15

The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.

Me: Do you know what else is a number?

The guy: What?

Me: 911

Friend

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Chin

"Simon says touch your chin."

The fat people be like, "Which one?"

Orphan

Why do orphans hate smart kids?

Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.

Pussy

What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?

Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...

Mama

Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.

Restaurant

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

Orphan

The orphans all died!!!

Oh wait, no one cares...

Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.

Difference

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!

Orphan

Q: What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

A: A baseball field has a home base.

Sacrifice

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

Rape

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

Mom

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.