The jokes

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?

Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!

The orphan was playing baseball. He hit a home run. His coach told him to run home. He couldn't find it.

The more emos there are, the less emos there are.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

If the formula of water is H2O, then what is the formula of ice?

H2O cubed.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.