The jokes

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?

Sum Ting Wong.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Consent.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.