The jokes
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
What is the Titanic's favorite mint?
Icebreakers.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Why do four polish heteroflexable men like to suck on four of the cow's udders? Because a bull has only one.
Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!