The jokes

Incest. A game the whole family can play.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!

What is the Titanic's favorite mint?

Icebreakers.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?

Fetus Deletus!

Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.

Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?

Drool.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?

Eclipses it!

A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”