The jokes
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
I can hear the whole world booing me.