The jokes

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.

What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.