The jokes

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t get to home run!

Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.

What did the pig say when he was in the sun?

I'm bacon.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?

A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"

What did the cow say to the other cow?

Moo you fine.

Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.

When do you go to the store?

UVUALA!!!!!

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?

Because he is the only one.