The jokes
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Memes
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.