The jokes

What's the same about boxes and children?

They're both found in basements.

Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.

What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?

We don't live in their heads.

What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?

The fish can't go fast.

What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!

Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.

Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?

They love to see the whole family.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!

The other person: Who?

You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

-->[] go through the door if you can.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

Because they were triplets!

Why was the director injured?

He couldn't find the right cast!

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."

What did one bee say to the other bee?

"I love you, honey!"