The jokes
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What did the hat say to the tie?
"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.