The jokes
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Memes
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?
Because he's dead.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!