The jokes

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, but now it's just a sensitive subject.

The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

What’s wrong with a gay bbq?

All the hotdogs taste like shit.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.