The jokes
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.