The jokes

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

How did the dead baby cross the road?

It was strapped to the chicken.

What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?

Raisins.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?

Wheelchair.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.