The jokes
Deja-poo.
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
Memes
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."