The jokes
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.
Why can't Chinese people play football? They will eat the bat.
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
What do you call the door that is cute and adorable?
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.