The jokes
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Memes
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Your mom has quite the mouth on her.
As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
What’s the difference between Mexicans and stoners?
Stoners have papers.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"