The jokes

When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?

The Inbredibles.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.

what happens when the president turns emo?

the great depression.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.