That jokes

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.

My life, there, that was the joke.

Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?

"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

Roses are red,

My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.

Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Saw that shit on Roblox.

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

Yo mama is so fat that she's bigger than the cinematic Marvel Universe.

Yo momma so fat that people jumped on her cuz they thought she was a school bus.

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"