That jokes

What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.

Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.

Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.