That jokes
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.