That jokes

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a haunted house......

And came back out with a job application, then that ran away *CAUSE SHE'S A UGLY FUCK*

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

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    • So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

    20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

    So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

    Why can't he say that?

    Answer: He works at an orphanage.

    Son: Daddy?

    Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

    Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

    Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

    Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

    Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

    Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

    Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

    Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

    Mom: What the fugde is going on?

    Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

    Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

    Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

    Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

    Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

    Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

    Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

    Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

    Son: Huh

    Son: Mom FUCK U*

    Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

    Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

    Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

    Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

    The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

    The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

    The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

    The students said, "Your parents."

    The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

    When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

    Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

    Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.