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Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

"Oh no, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Oh, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

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    • A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

    Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

    Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

    After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

    Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

    The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

    Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

    My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

    I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

    Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

    I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

    Yesterday I had a party.

    I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

    I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

    I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

    I've seen too many of them get elected.

    If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.