My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing so she elbowed me in my damn nose
So guys, I have a friend, who is named Sarah, and I was riding bikes with her the other day, and she told me she is gay. I totally support her, I love that she is open about it and not scared to tell people about it. I hope you guys can support her too! I love you all! :)))
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount, I served in the war?" The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?" "Nein," said the old man.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bolin ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though al research that
What do you no when your sad? Kick and orphan! What are they gonna so? Tell their parents?
One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, "you have to come with me and see this it's really important," Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can't it wait until the morning?' I pleaded, "no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "oh so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
How do you keep a blind kid entertained? You take him to a stadium crowd then give him a bat and tell him to hit the pinyata.
How do you get a orphans hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!!
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it
Why can’t orphans tell jokes Because that the parents can’t the jeans because they don’t have any
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes then she tells you well I made you
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball? Every night he turns into a gol-bat.
Comment 👍 if you like this joke!
What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon? “Kakuna Rattata!”
a redhead tells her blonde hair stepsister. i slept with a puerto rican'... then the blonde replies. omg you dirty little slut! how many is a puerto rican?
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks "did you get her number?". He replies "no, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion"
When an orphans playing baseball how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home he has no home to hit to
Go to and orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back
When you suffer from depression and Somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: my goodness, what an idea! why didn't i think of this before
