What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia? The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries...because they look photoshopped and they always need to require a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me "pick a star sign any star sign" "I said Capricorn" He said "Nahh you got cancer"
Doctor: I'm sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what's this behind your ear? Oh it's still cancer
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body and all that's left I'm afraid is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
what did they do with michael jackson when he died
he got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female if you did not like it when you was a teenager you probably will not like it when you become a adult
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb
i invited my friend with a vasectomy done for a party. unfortunately he couldnt come.
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs, i replied "OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR FUCKING ARMS!"
Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
mrs.mallaras boobs where (69) pounds she said that was to to to much(69222) so she went to 51st street (6922251) to visit doctor x (6922251 x) and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8) she ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friends girlfriend because she really wanted to go but he just got out of surgery and he said take care of her so I said will do bro I’ll bring her back fuller that a topped up water bottle
a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
boss: "we have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "how?"
surgeon: "I thought to do your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "get out"
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says "I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies "I have had to amputate both your legs" so the patent says "Well what is the good news?" the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers".................
i used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but i had to give her anal resization surgery first
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
