Why does Barry Bannan laugh when he plays football?
Because the grass tickles his balls because he's so short.
What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Tyson?
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
Like a lot of people watching the Olympics, I'm wondering why black people don't just take over the earth.
You signed up for football, but you're no good.
Messi isn't as rich as Ronaldo. He cannot afford a Lamborghini.
Did you know that big black dicks can be weapons and can kill people?
Floyd Mayweather proved it when he gave it to Logan Paul in the ass.
Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"
(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)
Poirier: Really, bitch?
Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.
“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”
MISSING!! MISSING!! ⚠️⚠️
Name: Kylian Fraudbappe Missing: 28/6/2021 vs Switzerland Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parc des Princes, Paris.
Last seen: Manuel Akanji’s back pocket.
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
Poke diver 1 sucks!
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
What is the difference between Dray Dray and an overrated footballer called Pogba?
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
