Speech jokes

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

Say "sukki" 10 times fast.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...

Trump: What's UpNigga?

Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

Má ég fara heim?

(In an infant-esque voice.)

Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana.

BORNANA

I say what Kay’s jesjejejeeuedeeeeeeee.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.

When I got to school, I was speechless.

"Stop it," said he.