Speech jokes

Say "sukki" 10 times fast.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...

Trump: What's UpNigga?

Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

Má ég fara heim?

(In an infant-esque voice.)

Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana.

BORNANA

I say what Kay’s jesjejejeeuedeeeeeeee.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.

When I got to school, I was speechless.

"Stop it," said he.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."