Why do Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO IT!
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up...... Human: :D Sun: I want to BuRn you......... Human: ....... Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you..... Human: I should be going now Sun: LET ME KILL YOU Human: *Screams his last sound*
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave
