SOS jokes

Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?

Because so he does not have a home button.

This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."

Yo mama so fat that when she farted, Big Shaq took off his jacket.

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

Your momma's so fat that she is the Earth!

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.

Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.

Your forehead is so big, Humpty Dumpty didn’t want to fall off!

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.

Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?