My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
SOS Jokes
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Your forehead is so big, John Cena could wrestle on it.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.
Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.
She got mad and ate the bus!
I'm so gay.
Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!
The chicken is so fat.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
