SOS jokes

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...

Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.

You know Africans don’t get seconds.