SOS jokes

Me, calls the police*

Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

Why was the Koala Bear so clever?

Because he had good koalifications!

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐

Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.

Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.

Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?

He was a fungi!

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....

Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Why are orphans prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."