SOS jokes

Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.

Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?

He was a fungi!

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....

Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

Why are orphans prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.

He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"