SOS jokes

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.

Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?

Because they use honeycombs.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don't know what a home base is.

Friend: Hi, orphan.

Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.

Friend: ummm

Orphan: Exactly, U can't.

Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.

"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."

I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?

He kept making strikes.

You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.