SOS jokes

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

Emos are dark people....

...So why are they all white?

Goths are even darker...

SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

So, I met a boy, and he said he would be happy to be a cannibal because if we all were, we could stop overpopulation and world hunger. And I was like 😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call dad. 🤣

Yo mama so fat, she uses a mattress as a diaper.

Quote for the day.

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.