SOS jokes

Why is a ghost so predictable?

Because you can see right through it.

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house looks like.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Why was the orphan so successful?

When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."

Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"

Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."

Orphan: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Why are people from New York so bad at chess?

Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).