SOS jokes

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!

Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.

Gwen, why are you so nice?

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."