SOS jokes

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!

Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.

Gwen, why are you so nice?

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.