SOS jokes

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

Yo mama so tall, she was next to Neil Armstrong on the moon.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?