Someone jokes

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

Why did the Orphan go to church?

To call someone father.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.