Singing jokes
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.