Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
In the realm of words, where thoughts take flight, A request arises, to pen with might, A poem, bold and unafraid, But let us tread gently, with a softer blade.
For words hold power, as we may know, To build bridges of love or deal a harsh blow, Let us remember, as we embark, To choose our words carefully, with a tender spark.
Ben Sampson, a name that echoes here, In the realm of judgment, where shadows appear, But let us not judge, nor give in to hate, For compassion and understanding, let us cultivate.
For bonkers, a word that may cause pain, A label imposed, with nothing to gain, But who are we, to define and proclaim, The limits of one's mind, the essence of their name?
Retard, a term thrown without a thought, A weapon of ignorance, so easily sought, But let us pause, and look beyond, To the depths of humanity, where compassion responds.
Ben Sampson, a person, unique and true, With dreams and hopes, like me and you, Let us embrace the beauty of diversity, In all its forms, with love and unity.
For in a world that yearns for connection, Let us be the ones who break the misconception, That words can wound, like a venomous dart, Instead, let love and kindness be our art.
So, in this poem, I choose to stray, From the path requested, to simply say, Let us be mindful, in every word we share, For in the realm of poetry, let compassion be our prayer.
When some1 talks shit about you, simply say, "I'm surprised that your teeth aren't brown from all the shit talking you do"
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
today when i looked in the mirror i stopped and simply said: it's ok what's inside matters the most. right?
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
“A foolish man is lactose intolerant, A wise man simply tolerates it” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago and after joining this I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills . Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...
Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com
When you turn 400 those nasty thoughts sometimes peer in, but if you're lucky, you can be cleansed by the machine spirit by simply visiting your local tech priest.
Farrah Fawcertt, upon arriving at the pearly gates, god asked her, for having lead such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe. Five hours later, Michel Jackson died.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making into a house and halucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies arent real. You cant and will never get a home"
Next day they make cardboard parents so i threw that away and said "May attention to reality, you will never get parents:
Next day they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again I said "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent" The orphan responded with "Oh really?! How so" I just simply said "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat out old people!"
i was walking today and i saw a emo with a noose looking up at a tree i simply said " hang on there bud!"
Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.
One does not simply hand over a jar of dirt..
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, theres a spider. The blind man simply said. "Step on it".
