Shutting Jokes

How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.

ssundee: "If this video gets to 100k likes, I'll post part 2."

SSUNDEE WIFE: "SHUT THE #### UP!"

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

DO NOT
B
IF THIS DOOR
IS SHUT
I'M POUNDING
A SLUT

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

(Bully) Boy, you ugly!

(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

Shut the f*ck up.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

Two cows were hiding.

One said: "Moooo."

The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"

One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"

Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."

The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"

Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."

The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"

Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

Orphan jokes protest. Anonymous.

Orphan jokes are just funny so stop trying to ruin our fun!

Comments:

Gwen: Stop! It is not funny. Orphans are just out their cold, weak, and need someone! And the jokes are not funny!

Shut up: Shut up!

Liv: Gwen stop!!

Gwen: SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!!!!

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni and got plane. (Yes, it's "plain," shut.)

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"