Shutting jokes

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"

"Shut up and pass me the mop."

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Rape is no laughing matter. The reason why women are not believed in rape is because of you mother fucking shitbirds with no future who will become drunkards and drug dealers who go broke and live on the street getting hit by a fucking car. Fuck all of you sadists who think this kind of shit is funny, well shut the fuck up. Go jump off a bridge or get hit by car and I hope you fucking sickos die.

Stop rape. Stop rappe. Stop rapibg innocent children and women and men. I am done with rape. I am done with it!

Shut the f*ck up.

Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.