Q:why did the rooster cross the road? A:to show he wasn't a chicken
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late??
A cold shoulder
What is the cherries favourite cartoon?
Tom and cherry😃😃😎😎😆😆
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
bippidy boppidy boo Bill Cosby is coming for you
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work? Because it was on strike.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
Welcome to our Computer Show.
I'm Mars Argo.
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imagine the russians showing up late to the 1917 revoloution with a tsarbucks in hand. they were late so I guess they weren't russian. They were probaly stalin.
Who goes to a comedian show and get's offended
A feminist
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel. The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning. The guys show up and the guards shoot them. The guys die because the guards used real guns.
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people? What’s up.
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says"I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?" Man,"Sorry i thought it was the start of Eastenders"
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?” “Yes” “Did you hang ‘em?”
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
