Short jokes
I shit on your furniture.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
Why do people think that monsters are scary? Cuz they are so stupid.
I thought fruit tasted good. I guess I was wrong.
What is a plane ✈️ that can not fly?
A fake one ☝️
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”
Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.
God help me, please!
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
qestrrrr.
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
Why is Joe cool?