Short jokes
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”
Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.
God help me, please!
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
qestrrrr.
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
Why is Joe cool?
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!
Good night, boys.
I like goodies.
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"