Short jokes
You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.
What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
What's the difference between my father and acne?
Acne waited for me to be a teenager before coming on my face.
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
You're in One Piece because they're looking for your hairline.
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call a Censor with Autism?
A Censorspaz.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
All Asians look the same.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What is a redneck's favorite sock?
A red sock.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.