Shooting

Shooting Jokes

Toddler

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

Gun

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

Pistol

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

Shooter

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Shooter

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

Audience

Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?

A: Because they're intended for a young audience.

Shooter

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

Child

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

Gun

Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?

'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.

Mother

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Kid

When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."

Shooter

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

Teacher

Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.

Students: Hiding under desk.

Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!

Bar

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

Car

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.