Shooting jokes

An African man visits his friend in the US.

“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.

“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?

A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

What do you call a nazi that can’t see?

A nozi.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."

Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?

'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.