Shooting jokes

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

What do you call a nazi that can’t see?

A nozi.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD.

Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?

A: Because they're intended for a young audience.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?

'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.

Students: Hiding under desk.

Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!

In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"