Shooting jokes
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
Why are Nazis so good at soccer?
Because they're so good at shooting.
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.