Shes jokes

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.