Shes jokes

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 episodes.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.

Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.

Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"

Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.

Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?

She had a meltdown.

Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."